For The Record

When I started writing over a year ago, I wanted more than anything to leave my daughters a reasonably honest and transparent account of what it is to be The Mom because it can be pretty challenging...which is to say that if the Lord wasn't so faithful in His promise to complete what He has begun in me, I would have run away a half-dozen times already.

*gasp* Did I just write that aloud?

When I started writing over a year ago, I was being shaken out of my denial as I watched one of my most influential mentors lose complete control of her oldest child and loose perspective in the shepherding of another. A different friend was losing her children to the world as fast as they could graduate and legally run move away. A third was turning a blind eye to the abyss of darkness and worldliness that her youngest was plunging into -- or maybe she wasn't blind to it, wherein lies another motivation for my blog.

I find it frustrating, irritating, discouraging and even debilitating to look up or over at the example being purposefully set by other committed Christian parents -- especially homeschooling Christians -- to find only the happy, happy, shiny, pious, holy side of life. And for a long time I believed the best and assumed that what I was seeing was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and it made me want to throw up my hands and give up.

But it wasn't the truth -- which means they were either ignoramuses, lunatics or liars.

Because the truth is that people are people and foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child and pubescents find themselves the host field for the most violent of battles in the war between the spirit and the flesh. Bless their hearts.

Mothers worry and then repent for being slow to cast their cares as their sweet Savior advises. And there are other times when Mother's arm grows weary from holding up the shield of faith to quench the fiery dart of the devil that seeks to convince her to give up, share the burden with Big Brother and get a pedicure during those glorious midday hours when nobody would be the wiser.

Fathers are tired from a long day's work. They've been trudging their testimony through the quicksand of the world's wickedness -- holding it tight and at times, fighting hard to be a witness. Sometimes worship and family prayer are somewhat...well...abbreviated.

Little sisters are learning the finer points of socialization, and thereby fight negotiate matters loudly more often than not in their play. Sometimes sisters just want to be alone. Sometimes they have to be shepherded about the seeds they're planting in their heart-garden.

It has been brought to my attention by a good and gracious friend that my writings have unwittingly portrayed a standard that I never meant to let stand alone.

The fact is that I have the three most incredible children ever. They are magnificent. I love them like crazy. I stand in awe of them for so many reasons. I am so excited to see what the Lord has in store for them; I know the most noble life is one spent seeking and submitting to whatever His calling for them. My girls are humble, meek, kind, compassionate, tender-hearted, spiritually-minded, intelligent and talented.

And I hope and expect that every parent can say the same or some reasonable facsimile about their own children; and if not -- why not?

But the rest of the truth is that Dumpling isn't driven to do anything but play, Cuddlebug exasperates her sisters and me sometimes because she's a bit willful, and Fifi is becoming a teenager -- which is to say that she sometimes lingers a little too long in her "mood." And sometimes it makes me crazy and I try really hard to talk her out of it. And sometimes I can hear her thinking that it would be really nice if I would just leave her alone, but because I'm parenting in reaction to my own teen angst and solitude, I just can't seem to zip my lip and leave her be.

Too often I become entangled in my fear and desperation and neglect to cry out to the Lord. I forget to ask Him to teach me what to say, and so I speak my own words. My tone. My way. That's what it is to tear down one's house.

So, for as wonderful as it can be 'round here, in the end people are just people. We're just a bunch of sinners trying to serve one another the best we can.

And all the while our sin is ever before us. And our need -- our utter and complete reliance on our Savior's work on the cross is ever present. Not just recognized with words, but realized deep in the core of who we are.

To God be the glory!