Tying Heartstrings

Not too many years ago, I remember being in a ladies' bible study with 6 other women from church: 3 were designated the Titus 2 mentor types, the rest of us were either relatively young in age or in Walk. During this time, I was hanging by my fingernails over the precipice of a nervous breakdown; Three had not slept through the night yet and was coming up on 1-year old, Two was 3 years old and not still not speaking clearly (which I was convinced was a reflection on the lack of dedicated reading time I had been able to afford One), and One was between the 2nd and 3rd grades, which to this day, I claim as among the most difficult years to homeschool. At this age, One was old enough to grasp a lot of information, but not old enough to be self-directed to find it; it was a very parent time-intensive couple of years.

Anyway...one bright summer morning during the study, the Titus 2 women got on a bit of a rant about how hard raising children can be. I was exhausted and grasping for hope as I asked questions like, "But surely it gets easier in that the babies grow up and can carry themselves up the stairs and brush their own hair and get themselves dressed..."

They didn't mean to crush me like a bug when they responded, "Well, sure. Those things change, but it only gets harder! Much harder!"

I fled the room in tears and never, ever went back. One of the women called later to apologize, and a second woman wrote a beautiful note that I've kept to this day. In it, she stepped into my shoes and reassured me that it wouldn't always be this kind of a drain. She also invited my whole family to dinner. The third woman called and said something like, "I'm sorry that we upset you, but I don't think what I said was wrong..." She invited us to lunch, but I wrote back and politely declined. My caution was validated when she called again; when I answered the phone this particular weekday morning, the house was completely quiet. Good timing. It didn't take but 10 seconds for her to launch into a conversation that started with, "Let me encourage you with what the Lord has been teaching me lately. In my study of Job today..."

(Of course, actually and unfortunately what she meant was, "Let me encourage you with what the Lord has been teaching me lately -- about you!")

And at that moment, everything happened at once! My girls started running and giggling. The other line on the phone rang, I think. And the plumber who was scheduled to come sometime that day, arrived and was knocking on the door. I explained to this woman that I had to go because suddenly my life was spinning out of control again. I have not spoken with her since.

I have always considered her behavior to be like one who sets a fire, and then rescues the family from the burning house, hoping to be a hero.

Tonight I remember them all as I find myself moving into that "much harder" place they were cackling about. I'm finding that once children are old enough to accomplish their own grooming and even help with the physical chores, they are also old enough to need a lot of guidance in matters of spiritual conviction, discernment and understanding. One has been really struggling with a heavy yoke these past months. I've written it down before. She has made a habit of springing some deep, needy questions on me or Husband right at her bedtime. I've heard that it's pretty typical for children to feel most calmed and open at this time of day, so we take stock of the value and spend the time -- tonight it was 45 minutes. These are the moments in which lasting heartstrings are tied.

Tonight, during prayers she asked for a peace about some upcoming plans we've made that we're all very excited about. She wants us to tell her if these convictions she struggles to understand are of God or Adversary. I've warned her, that first off, whatever we do not in faith, is sin. I want her always to be true to the Spirit's whisper to her conscience. But I think she's not living in the liberty which is a gift from the Lord, and I've encouraged her to draw closer to Him through prayer and the reading of His Word. She does that. I've cautioned her to seek the Lord for the sake of knowing Him better, not with a specific agenda out in front. I know she has tried. Tonight, I implored her to lay down her heavy yoke because Jesus' is light. I told her that the worry and anxiety that she was feeling was death, not life.

And then I felt inspired! I have always been struck by how much of God's Truth is illustrated for me in my relationship with my children. So this is the illustration I used to help One see how she was behaving:

"If Daddy took you to Baskin Robbins after your Bible Study Fellowship class, and wanted to treat you to some ice cream, how would it be for him if while you ate your scoop, you agonized over whether this was fair because Two and Three weren't with you? "

"That wouldn't be right," she conceeded.

"So when your earthly father, or your Heavenly Father wants to bless you with a good thing, just accept the joy and say, 'thank you.'"

We went on to talk about timing. The bible tells us that everything is beautiful in its own time. Both of us acknowledge that we have been "stealing" time for our individual interests: hers is writing scripts and planning movies, mine is this blog. Both of us are going to be more careful to assign certain times to pursue our hobbies, and stay within that plan.

And finally, it was my pleasure to try and boost her self-acceptance. I assured her that God made her personality with a very specific purpose and plan in mind. He expects her to be what He designed her to be to successfully execute her path in His plan. I encouraged her to always keep that truth in front of her. Then I exhorted her to recognize that a person's talent is a sparkler, but left unchecked -- unattended by fellowship with the Lord -- that sparkler will either die out completely or, as in her case, spark a full-on forest fire.

I used to brissle when Christians talked about 'balance.' It always seemed to me they were really looking for permission to compromise. I was wrong. Balance is important. I pray the Lord help my sweet One find godly balance in her Walk.