A Fork In The Road

Today was a great day! I decided to incorporate morning devotions with science and it was really fun for all of us. We're using Considering God's Creation, and did a living illustration where I stood in the middle of the room as the Sun, One was Earth rotating around me, Three was our moon, hurrying to orbit around One as One orbited (and revolved) around me, and Two stood out a step to be Saturn (because it was the prettiest on the solar system placemat we own). I think it helped the children to see it that way; I know it was easier to display with the four of us than it was with just me and One, five years ago when she was in Kinder.

Later, instead of cooping them up in the gym nursery, we went for a neighborhood walk and met an older couple who pointed out a red-shouldered hawk flying overhead. That was sweet.

Then we came home, showered, ate lunch and headed out for One's violin lesson. There, I got to hold her teacher's new baby. He was born a week after my due date with Four and a day before my d & c with Five. The irony never escapes me, but it was really and surprisingly o.k. Maybe it was because he is so white, bald and totally unlike my babies. My babies come out really kinda ugly. lol. Husband has referred to the first two as looking like, "angry buddhas." I can remember one of my first thoughts holding One was, (tearfully) "I don't care what she looks like, I'm going to love this child!" As it turns out, they both got a lot prettier once the swelling went down in a couple of days. Now, Three on the other hand, actually came a few weeks early and looked a bit like an "ooh-ooh-ah-ah." (That's a monkey.) We used to say she wasn't "cooked through." She looked pretty raw but got a 10 on the Apgar! That's another post for another day -- perhaps on her birthday I'll write about the personal, confirming miracle that was Three's birth.

But I digress.

After music lessons, I took the girls to Dairy Queen just because it was really hot today. After they finished their cones, we walked across the lot to the new Mediterranian Market which is really wonderful; it was so well stocked and clean. I was expecting Italian, but it was more middle-eastern than anything else: India, Pakistan, etc. While there, another customer struck up a conversation with me about my experience with homeschooling. During the course of our talk, it was clear to her that we were Christian, and clear to us that she was Muslim. To my surprise, I didn't feel any ugly tension or fear, but rather I sensed the Spirit in me calling out, "Ishmael, come home!" It was a strangely beautiful few minutes.

Later we returned home and read a story about Jackie Mitchell, the teenaged girl who struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig during an exhibition game on April 2, 1931.

I had a little time before choir practice tonight, and found myself talking at great length with One. She thinks a lot. (sigh) She thinks a lot. (Maybe she gets that from me.) Today, she was burdened with the question of whether or not her pursuit of all things Narnia was against God. She wasn't able to articulate her burden, so I was not able to guide her but only encouraged her to take it to the Lord. I promised her that He knew what He was trying to teach her, and that she needed to yield to His Will, and also to His timing. I think the latter is proving very hard for her. I know it's proving exhausting for me because she brought it up no less than a dozen times today.

She is one of the sweetest girls I have ever met -- I would like to have had a friend like her when I was 10 years old. But honestly, the thread of Narnian anxiety that followed us through our day wore on me. By late afternoon, I really just wanted to say, "I don't know! It's not that big of a deal. Don't worry about it. Just do whatever. Just stop talking!"

I didn't say that though.

I knew in that moment that I was standing at a fork in the road; one path led to a deeper bond between parent and child while the other loosened the heartstrings that have been tied. Today was not really about Narnia. It was about the Lord calling her to a vibrant, two-way, personal relationship with Him and my usefulness as an instrument in her rearing. It was a big deal to her and by God's grace of the Holy Spirit, I knew that if I did not make myself completely available, engaged and sincere, that she just might stop talking. That would be truly tragic. I love her and want her to always come to me or Husband -- I pray that I will always be trustworthy with her vulnerability.