Against Whom Should I Lock Up My Womb?

I am watching the TLC channel as I form my thoughts for this post. Sometimes it's all about decorating, but tonight -- the program is "Extraordinary Pregnancies," and the subject matter is "stone babies." There have only been 300 reported cases of "stone babies" on record; it happens when an ectopic baby grows too large to be reabsorbed by the mother's body, and is calcified within its sterile environment. In the case the program profiles tonight, the mother has carried her dead fetus around for 46 years!

I can't believe it! Now the show is back from commercial and is going to profile Jane Ingram from England who successfully delivered twins from her uterus and one more (Ronan) from her abdomen. I heard about this and researched it back when I was worried and confused over my risk of an ectopic recurrence last fall. The chances of an ectopic survival is 60 million to one. It's impossible. Nothing is impossible with God. I feel an aftershock coming on. I am pausing here to pray God will help me draw near so I may hold fast.

I remember the first time I heard anyone voice an opinion about abortion. I was 20 or 21; he was just a few years older -- an I.T. guy who worked in the research department with me. I remember his politics were pretty liberal, but so were mine. When, somehow the issue came up during office chatter between the two of us, he said something along the line of, "I'm pro-choice because I don't want to have to face that decision if I haven't done anything to face that decision." It actually sounded profound at the time.

If my life is a pendulum, then it has swung to the far side of Right where the voices of those in the circles I run with range from simply pro-life to the extreme of pro-conception (meaning that they believe a spilled seed is a wasted seed -- an actual person who won't now be born). Books and blogs by these type folks offer lots of scripture proofs for their position (and maybe their dead-on right) -- but having lived the scenario, I found their counsel painted in broad, self-serving brush stokes and was frustrated to the point of wrath by how unhelpful their stand was in the midst of my storm. I wonder if they have any idea what a stumbling block they've been to me?

Interestingly though, Husband and I arrived at a conclusion about our own fertility. God promises in His scriptures to give wisdom generously to any who lack and ask for it. So I asked. I asked Him if the statistics that tell me I'm getting to be too old to expect a "healthy" baby are of Him. I asked Him if the increased risk of another ectopic should move me to pursue an end to my fertility. I asked Him if He would please never again use my body to judge a soul to hell. I asked Him how I can know when information is wisdom and when it is a thief through fear. He told me something.

He told me something. When I lock my doors at night it is wise to protect myself from the sin-stained murderous behavior of one that would desire to come into my home and harm me. When I buckle my seatbelt in my car it is wise to take precautions against the sin-stained selfishness that would allow another driver to crash into my car.

But only God can conceive life within the womb. Only the Creator can knit together a human being. With that in mind, against whom should I lock up my womb? Against God?