I read today that you are expecting your 18th baby. Wow! Congratulations! What a precious gift the Lord has entrusted to you and your husband in those 17 lives with one on the way. I pray your pregnancy and delivery will be safe, uneventful and a delight to you all.
I cannot even imagine the energy you must possess to get it all done. I know you talk a lot about jurisdictions and such, and so as I ready myself to go fold a load of laundry after this letter--because my oldest is 12 and next after her is still too young really to be in charge of hundreds of dollars in clothing each week--I find myself thinking about you.
I wonder if you ever fold laundry? Or assemble sandwiches? Do you, like me, have to spot clean the guest bathroom, grabbing a minute when you can to wipe the surfaces, often on your way out of the...ahem...restroom? It occurs to me that I've never actually seen you put your hand to any of the housework in your Discovery Channel documentaries. I see you cheerfully touring the cameras through the laundry room and the kitchen, but who does all that work?
Oh, I suppose you'll smile genteely and credit your older girls. Lucky you! You must have at least 4-5 capable young ladies running your house, and I think that's great. The rest of the country is awed at your parenting and homemaking skills, but you and I know full well that many hands make light work, don't we?
Which brings me to the most troubling perception I have about you and yours. May I be frank? For the sake of building up your sisters in Christ; in the name of bearing a true witness and not discouraging thousands of mothers across the country whose homes are unattractively real--let me ask you...do your children ever cop a little attitude? Do they ever get frustrated over the work? The order? The constant, stringent, unrelenting order of everything?
Do they ever have a sick day? And how does that look? Because mine looks like life has come to a screeching halt and my living room has been converted to a hospital ward with a full-on film festival playing on the large screen t.v. that is otherwise not seen broadcasting during daylight hours. Unless it's for a Math U See lesson.
Do you ever need to correct your older girls about speaking harshly to their younger siblings? Because I do. A lot. And it makes me sad. Sadder still after I expose myself to a story like yours.
Michelle? Do your young children bicker sometimes? Mine are pretty good about that, actually--except when they're not. Like today. I was ready for it to be bedtime shortly after lunch.
So, really I guess I'm asking you, Michelle, if it's really all as perfect as you let them make it look? Are all your children so completely sold out for the Lord that they possess blue-ribbon fruit in the areas of kindness, gentleness and self control? And if you're going to say yes, then maybe what would help me more than your tips on organization and child training, would be your sure-fire method of imparting an abiding love for the Savior to the children so early and completely.
Because try as I might, my girls just keep being people that way!
Sincerely, Grafted Branch
24 comments:
Who is Mrs. Duggar?
I think that perhaps she is trying to prove to the world that it OK to have this many children, that she forgets how much she could encourage moms by showing us the "real life" days and still find joy in them.
Life coming to a screeching halt and a hospital-ward like family room with non-stop t.v. is what it looked like around here this past week. You hit that nail right on the head, GB. I am glad we are not the only ones.
Oh, and as for the more important question, I would love to know the "sure-fire method of imparting an abiding love for the Savior" the Duggars might have, as not only are my children so human, their parents are sooooo human as well, and there are days we, children AND parents don't show Christ-like love to each other like we should. Praise God for His grace and mercy on those days.
I've often wondered the same things myself....ABOUT YOU!!! ;-)
Seriously, they are crazy and amazing all at the same time and their house MUST run itself by now. That is all I can't figure. But then I feel pretty strongly that our "quiver" is MUCH LESS THAN 18. Or 3.
:-)
The title alone made me smile :-)
Yes, that last comment was from me "Jeny"
Apparently, my 11 month old though I was done and pushed "enter" of all things....
He he, I bet that never happens to Michelle!!
:-)
I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling that way. I also have trouble with ppl who adopt 6 teenagers from Liberia when they are in their 20's, have 4 children of their own under 9 and make look so perfectly joyous. (huh?)
I do admire Michelle greatly. SHe certainly has a gift, but yes it does make me feel so very weak and incapable myself as I struggle in so. many. ways with my 6 at home.
I do wish Michelle would answer your questions!
~C
I'm 110% sure that there are times when the kids are bad or mom gets annoyed or dad raises his voice...but they are still amazing to me! I'd never, EVER be able to handle 18 children with any amount of sanity or grace whatsoever--let alone homeschool that many as well--but more power to her if she figured a way to make it work. I'll have to remember her in my prayers tonight. :) I'm sure there are times when she needs them, as do I!
You put my thoughts of lately into words more than you can imagine. Rob and I have been discussing this issue a lot lately. Life is rough, we are all sinners, and to me all a program like this does is make me feel an overwhelming amount guilt at my failure each day. I feel guilt about my childrens behavior, bickering--non stop, etc... In fact yesterday I said and cried and cried at my failure, and had to repent for my sinfulness.
I will comment more later, I have a child waiting to feed his Webkinz. I think the kitty is very hungry, I don't think he's been fed in a few days. LOL!
Wow!! You mean your kids actually bicker? And here I assumed they communicated with all the grace and elegance with which you do on this blog!
This was an absolutely wonderful post. And I'm certain there is more than enough humanity in the Duggar house, just like the rest of us. It is hard to see it though in the way they are presented on TV.
Aaahhh the relief I got from reading this. Thank you...I kind of feel closer to normal now.
I have often thought that letting others perceive only your strengths and never your weaknesses is a terrible kind of hypocrisy. Only letting people see the beauty and perfection and not the "real" life is a lie to others and also, a lie to yourself.
This is why I can't watch the Duggars' shows anymore.
Wonderful post. I can't even fathom their lives - two sets of twins, plus 14 others! Yikes! I couldn't even handle a school classroom that size, much less 24/7.
I used to cry after I put the kids to bed some nights, feeling like such a failure as a mom. It is a very had job!
I Googled the Duggar family. Now I am trying to find them on You Tube.
I hope she responds because I would also like to know the answer. :)
I must say, that there are a few things that impressed me about this family: 1) they have family Bible-reading time every day; 2) they memorize scripture actively; 3) they surround themselves with Biblical homeschooling materials; 4) they have structure in their home.
So, in my mind, the children are actively hiding the Word of God in their hearts and minds and allowing the Holy Spirit to transform them.
But ... I wonder what they are like on a day-to-day basis also. It is hard for me as a Christian of 25 years to walk a straight line, and keep my attitudes in check. I can only imagine that the Duggars have their own behavioral issues, too.
I'd be interested in seeing their discipline methods!
I don't know about the Duggars' family life when the cameras aren't rolling, but I did appreciate this post about yours! It is so good to know that we're all in the same boat, bumbling along, trying to be Christlike, trying to train our children to be christlike, and sometimes failing at both.
Thank you for being real, and honest about YOUR family.
After 23 years of homeschooling, one of my biggest frustrations is the number of homeschooling moms who find fault with other homeschooling moms. We're a comparatively small lot and need to support each other, even if we can't identify with each other always. One wonderful mom I know quit homeschooling because of the attitudes she experienced with other homeschooling moms. She is attractive, talented, organized, and mother of 11. So far. Grow up, ladies--the stakes are too high.
Barb, expound please! How are you finding fault with our candor and vulnerability in admitting our deficits? Nobody here is "coming down" on Michelle Duggar, but if the witness is incomplete or lacking context, then she ought to know how it is affecting her Sisters in the Lord.
If we just could "edit" our lives like I'm sure this show does, sigh. Actually, in some ways we all do. Who hasn't been chewing out a member of the family and answered the phone sweetly. I'm sure that must happen with these "reality" shows.
I was told by one of my mentors to pray for the Lord to cover my failures with child raising with His grace. (and we've had some doozies)
I also think being open and vulnerable with our troubles helps others. We were encouraged and helped beyond words by those who have walked before us when our daughter was rebellious and became a single mom in college.
Hopefully I am now using what the Lord taught me through that is being passed on with the Bible study I help lead for single moms.
To deny or hide those hard times means we refuse to learn what the Lord has for us.
Val
I am sure that Hollywood edits her story to portray a very narrow persona. I'm sure she's like any other woman on earth, but that her lot in life has offered her many opportunities to grow in ways some of us haven't been close to.
Your tone does seem a little sarcastic, maybe even mean-spirited, at times. Then again, it's a written blog and I don't know you in real life. I'm going to assume you didn't mean it that way and thank you for your candor about your own shortcomings and family faux-pas.
I'm giving both of you the benefit of the doubt and joining in forces with you to raise children who love the Lord.
Blessings.
I don't homeschool so I can't address that, but as a mom of 5 what I have a hard time wrapping my brain around is the emotional energy each child needs devoted to them. I simply cannot imagine being able to provide that for 18 children.
I am in awe of the Duggars~in a GOOD way~but I do have people in life that I kinda set on a pedestal in their walk of faith and motherhood and homemaker and wife, etc. This letter really does say all those things sooo well to those people in my life! (((((HUGS))))) sandi
Hello...I see your comments from time to time on other blogs and hopped over here from Elizabeth Esther's (I assumed you left the link so we'd read this letter to Mrs. Duggar??). Anyways, I thought your letter was very distasteful, mocking and just kinda mean.
I think it best when thinking of others and putting them first, you realize that no one lives a perfect life. Women who are competitive and would like to be in a constant spotlight are usually the ones demanding that everyone else show their faults for the same reason they like to find fault in others...to esteem themselves. Do you honestly think her life must be perfect? I hope she never read your letter. You are supposed to be her sister, not her enemy. You were thinking only of yourself and how her testimony reflected on your life. Just remember who it was that was bringing accusations before God regarding Job. It wasn't the saints and it shouldn't be you. She's done no harm nor has she sinned. Shameful.
Dear Anonymous...why be anonymous? If you are sure and just in the accusations you make against me, let me face my accuser.
Meanwhile, I have to disagree with your take on this letter to Michelle Duggar. It was riddled with questions, not accusations; pleas, not ridicule; vulnerability, not pride.
I'm sorry that you don't like my style, which admittedly leans toward self-deprecating sarcasm at the expense of the more conventional Christian genteel facade. I realize it does not suit everyone, and I have given change the old college try, but it's just not who I am--because it's not who my Maker created me to be.
So, my advice to you is to be a bit slower to judge another's motivations (which was not at all what I did to Mrs. Duggar as could be noted when I said, "So really, I guess I'm asking you, Michelle, if it's really all as perfect as you LET THEM MAKE IT LOOK?"
That, by the way, speaks about the producers, and it was a reasonable question. She has a responsibility to maintain an honest witness.
Of course I'm not asking her to air dirty laundry! But I found even small things like children who spilled, parents who trained small children on tasks, girls who did hard work with at least a meek acknowledgment that they didn't really want to--a help and a relief that yes, I can get up tomorrow and try another day.
I would love it if you would be more gentle and understanding than to shout at me about whether or not I believe everything is perfect in the Duggar house. The point is, no--I DON'T know. I was a latch key kid with provision, but no direction and certainly no example of the way in which to walk with the Lord. I'm glad for you that you have a better foundation from which to judge me. I hope someday you'll learn to use that talent for good.
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