She followed the 3-year old boy over to the toy train station in the children's section of the bookstore. The toddler was sporting gel in his mock mohawk and she was dressed all in black: low-slung hip-huggers, form-fitting polo, black baseball cap pulled low over her brow and a lip piercing that had to hurt when it got caught in the prongs of a fork. She slouched in her chair and began text messaging.
My puppies and I were already settled in to the area and had laid claim on train cars, chairs and books. I nodded to Dumpling a reminder to share. She smiled and picked one of the cars off her chain to hand him. When he didn't take it, she shrugged her shoulders and left it within his reach.
As we sat silently, each pretending that we didn't notice that we were the only two people over 5 feet tall in the vicinity, I glanced over several times trying to decide whether she was the older sister or the young aunt, or indeed the mother of the boy. Whatever she was to him, her countenance was one of a sullen, sulky, disadvantaged teenager and I longed to share with her, the love of Jesus.
But how to break the ice?
She was a hip, young thing, and I'm...well...not so much. I could almost hear her thinking, "Lady, don't talk to me. You've got nothing that I want."
And then the little boy broke the quiet as he started asking Cuddlebug to, "'Cuse me. 'Cuse me. 'Cuse me again. 'Cuse me," around the perimeter of the train table. And Cuddlebug moved for him once or twice when something unexpected happened.
The girl stopped texting, and without a huff or a puff or a scoff or a sigh, she calmly instructed the little boy to, "Go around her, mi hijo." And she soon corrected him again with good counsel that I can't remember exactly because I was still busy being awed by the unexpected direction of a second ago.
It was now clear to me that this girl was this boy's mother. And that she was very young. And that she was very much in charge. And that she was very good at it.
I couldn't resist breaking the ice now; I had to talk to this girl! And so I asked the only question that was available to me, even though plenty of bloggers and commenters have posted diatribes and hissy fits about it in the past: I asked her if this was her only child.
Thankfully, she hadn't read any of the posts that would have taught her to read something sinister or rude into the question, and so she simply said, "Yes." Actually, she went on past that to explain that she was 21 and he was 3, and that they had a few minutes before she had to go to work, and that he liked the trains. And then she told me about the lead paint scare and the Thomas the Train recall and how all the bookstores in the chain will be replacing the set with metal cars soon and that she couldn't believe they still had these products on the shelf because she was pretty sure they weren't supposed to.
She was neat. I know that's a dumb word, but it's all I've got because she was--neat. She was young and interesting, open and confident. And as I listened to her, I saw that she wore a couple of rings with the Jesus fish embossed on them.
"I see you're wearing a Jesus-fish ring."
"Yeah," she responded, looking down to acknowledge the clue.
"Are you a Christian? Do you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior?"
And she acknowledged that she did, and shared with me that her Grandfather is a pastor at a church across town. She went on, a little less comfortably than before, but willing nonetheless, to praise God for all He's done in her life, and how nothing would be possible without Him.
I agreed and we sat quietly for another minute or so while I silently prayed whether I should dare say what I really wanted to say next. And then I asked her permission, "Can I...can I give you a compliment without meaning to sound condescending or patronizing?"
She shook her head for me to go ahead.
"Because, I am clearly quite a bit older than you," I continued to explain, "You seem to be doing a really good job parenting your son, and that's just not something that very many young moms bother to do, it seems to me. They don't know how, or they don't want to make the sacrifice or put forth the energy...I don't know, but you seem like you're really on top of this and are doing a really good job."
And then I felt a little silly, so I laughed at myself and added, "For what's it's worth, that is. I mean, who am I? *scoff* And I've only watched you interacting with him for a couple of minutes..."
And then she sweetly assured me that, "It means a lot. Thanks."
And we talked. She told me about the strong parenting that she got from her mom, and that her mom got from her parents. And I felt safe enough to cautiously ask if she was raising her son alone, or?...
And she willingly shared the good news of the strong support structure that includes mom, dad, aunts, uncles, siblings and grandparents, if not a daddy. I told her that she was blessed and that the Lord provides.
Right about then, she got up to pick a book to read aloud to her son, and God bless her, she read with inflection! But before she did, she noticed that the Thomas the Train bookshelves were a bit out of order. And so she fixed them: a little shuffle here, a turn around there, and all was in order. That's not something I see everyday. Or...well...ever.
After she sat back down and her son resumed his play, I bravely asked her another question that was simply not any of my beeswax, but was foremost in my mind. I'd done the math; she had been pregnant with her son at 17.
"Did you get to finish high school?"
"Yeah. And I'm a year and a half from finishing college."
"Well then, you're 2 and a half years ahead of me! That's awesome. What are you studying?"
She relished the opportunity to tell me about her educational pursuits as an English major. She passionately explained to me the school she wanted to teach in, the students she wanted to reach, the difference she wanted to make, and the plans that were already in the works to make all her dreams come true.
And I believe she will. And I told her so because as I walked away from our conversation, I had a very strong sense that I'd been in the company of future greatness.
So Ashley, mother of Jayden Noah...you go, girl! The Lord bless you...
As we sat silently, each pretending that we didn't notice that we were the only two people over 5 feet tall in the vicinity, I glanced over several times trying to decide whether she was the older sister or the young aunt, or indeed the mother of the boy. Whatever she was to him, her countenance was one of a sullen, sulky, disadvantaged teenager and I longed to share with her, the love of Jesus.
But how to break the ice?
She was a hip, young thing, and I'm...well...not so much. I could almost hear her thinking, "Lady, don't talk to me. You've got nothing that I want."
And then the little boy broke the quiet as he started asking Cuddlebug to, "'Cuse me. 'Cuse me. 'Cuse me again. 'Cuse me," around the perimeter of the train table. And Cuddlebug moved for him once or twice when something unexpected happened.
The girl stopped texting, and without a huff or a puff or a scoff or a sigh, she calmly instructed the little boy to, "Go around her, mi hijo." And she soon corrected him again with good counsel that I can't remember exactly because I was still busy being awed by the unexpected direction of a second ago.
It was now clear to me that this girl was this boy's mother. And that she was very young. And that she was very much in charge. And that she was very good at it.
I couldn't resist breaking the ice now; I had to talk to this girl! And so I asked the only question that was available to me, even though plenty of bloggers and commenters have posted diatribes and hissy fits about it in the past: I asked her if this was her only child.
Thankfully, she hadn't read any of the posts that would have taught her to read something sinister or rude into the question, and so she simply said, "Yes." Actually, she went on past that to explain that she was 21 and he was 3, and that they had a few minutes before she had to go to work, and that he liked the trains. And then she told me about the lead paint scare and the Thomas the Train recall and how all the bookstores in the chain will be replacing the set with metal cars soon and that she couldn't believe they still had these products on the shelf because she was pretty sure they weren't supposed to.
She was neat. I know that's a dumb word, but it's all I've got because she was--neat. She was young and interesting, open and confident. And as I listened to her, I saw that she wore a couple of rings with the Jesus fish embossed on them.
"I see you're wearing a Jesus-fish ring."
"Yeah," she responded, looking down to acknowledge the clue.
"Are you a Christian? Do you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior?"
And she acknowledged that she did, and shared with me that her Grandfather is a pastor at a church across town. She went on, a little less comfortably than before, but willing nonetheless, to praise God for all He's done in her life, and how nothing would be possible without Him.
I agreed and we sat quietly for another minute or so while I silently prayed whether I should dare say what I really wanted to say next. And then I asked her permission, "Can I...can I give you a compliment without meaning to sound condescending or patronizing?"
She shook her head for me to go ahead.
"Because, I am clearly quite a bit older than you," I continued to explain, "You seem to be doing a really good job parenting your son, and that's just not something that very many young moms bother to do, it seems to me. They don't know how, or they don't want to make the sacrifice or put forth the energy...I don't know, but you seem like you're really on top of this and are doing a really good job."
And then I felt a little silly, so I laughed at myself and added, "For what's it's worth, that is. I mean, who am I? *scoff* And I've only watched you interacting with him for a couple of minutes..."
And then she sweetly assured me that, "It means a lot. Thanks."
And we talked. She told me about the strong parenting that she got from her mom, and that her mom got from her parents. And I felt safe enough to cautiously ask if she was raising her son alone, or?...
And she willingly shared the good news of the strong support structure that includes mom, dad, aunts, uncles, siblings and grandparents, if not a daddy. I told her that she was blessed and that the Lord provides.
Right about then, she got up to pick a book to read aloud to her son, and God bless her, she read with inflection! But before she did, she noticed that the Thomas the Train bookshelves were a bit out of order. And so she fixed them: a little shuffle here, a turn around there, and all was in order. That's not something I see everyday. Or...well...ever.
After she sat back down and her son resumed his play, I bravely asked her another question that was simply not any of my beeswax, but was foremost in my mind. I'd done the math; she had been pregnant with her son at 17.
"Did you get to finish high school?"
"Yeah. And I'm a year and a half from finishing college."
"Well then, you're 2 and a half years ahead of me! That's awesome. What are you studying?"
She relished the opportunity to tell me about her educational pursuits as an English major. She passionately explained to me the school she wanted to teach in, the students she wanted to reach, the difference she wanted to make, and the plans that were already in the works to make all her dreams come true.
And I believe she will. And I told her so because as I walked away from our conversation, I had a very strong sense that I'd been in the company of future greatness.
So Ashley, mother of Jayden Noah...you go, girl! The Lord bless you...
18 comments:
What an amazing journey. Thank you for taking the chance and looking past what most would turn away from.
God saw to bless both of you today.
Well, all I have to say is that "future greatness" was sitting there by the train in the company of..."present greatness." The greatness of spirit you've exhibited not only in your interactions with her but also in your relating them to us with such graciousness prove that God has blessed you with special eyes that not all of us possess. YOU go, girl :-)
Oh, GB. Thank you so much for sharing this story. Well told and so encouraging! I admire not only your willingness to reach out to her, but your actual follow-through which is often the hardest part, it seems to me.
God is full of surprises, isn't He? His children are not made with a cookie-cutter.
When I was a teenager, getting your ears pierced or wearing too much makeup was scandalous. Scandalous!
It's amazing the heart that's waiting to be discovered when we get past the outer layer.
Amazing story. I love this.
Thank you for taking the time to see past her appearance and see the self that lives within. I'm sure that inspite of her support, she needed that compliment and encouragment.
Brings to mind the scripture of how God sees the heart. I've been taught that the outward appearance reflects the inward heart. While I believe there is truth in this; it's truth only to a point. We should all follow your example and take the time to see the heart.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Thanks for sharing the story. I have to agree with Robin, I would almost bet that she NEEDED those words of encouragement on that day. Isn't that another great example of God's smiling providence for you both that day. Great lessons learned.
God is so faithful.
Loved this story and that you encouraged her the way you did. Good chance it's just why God put the two of you together.
I think it's really neat and refreshing when God brings people like this across my path. And He has done that for me recently too.
Thanks for sharing. And I appreciate your boldness as well.
Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving your kind comments!
I really enjoyed your post! What a great story! I love how you were so open to finding out who she was, and desiring to share Christ with her! You are a great writer too!
Katie - bimw
As a former teen mom who now works with teen moms...I thank you for this, for your kindness, for sharing this. I appreciate any time that someone shares a POSITIVE story about a teen parent. Bless you...
Well, to be clear Angela Giles Klocke, I don't in *any* way condone fornication that sometimes ends in teen or unmarried pregnancy. But I *do* condone confession of sin, repentance, and trust in Jesus.
He bore the horrible penalty of physical death and broken fellowship with His Father for you and for me. He did it while we were in the midst of behaving as His enemy. He paid that price, which we all so richly deserve, upon His own body at the cross.
But I also condone living with the consequences of our choices, as He sovereignly ordains, and doing the best we can--relying on God's grace for everything else--including the ability to do the best we can.
I visited your site briefly. I was unable at first blush to sense whether you know the Lord. If you come back and see this, I'd love to dialog with you. You can reach me at graftedb@yahoo.com.
I have to tell you that reading this post blessed me so very much. You see, I would have liked to have met you when I was a 21 raising an infant and going to college to be an English teacher. I received so many snide looks from older moms who thought that they had it together that it made me feel even worse about being a single mom. You were open and kind to a mom who really could use some kindness. :)
*Such* a good lesson and reminder for us all - it just takes a moment, a friendly, genuine smile instead of a superior look as we round up our "perfectly behaved" children and move away.
Thank you so very much. You blessed her life, planted more seeds, I am sure.
Enjoyed this story, very much.
Smile....
Grafted Branch, praise God you allowed Him to speak through you to this young mom. This was most certainly a divine appointment. The encouragement she received that day I am sure did nothing but boost her up. Thank you for sharing this story and reminding me to take the chance to talk with that person I am just dying to start a conversation with. Lord only knows what He will do with the situation.
This was great. It's wonderful you could be a blessing to a young mom out there today.
Very cool.
Actually, I am a Christian. I do say so on my About Me page :D
I did not think you were saying you CONDONE it. I was just thanking you for sharing a positive story. As a former teen mom, I've done my best to raise my children with love and care, but too often teen moms are shown only in a negative light. You don't have to condone the behavior to love the sinner. :)
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