I just had the strangest encounter.
A few months back, and a few streets over, a new family moved into the neighborhood. And they moved in with girls! These girls looked like they might be homeschooled (which is to say that they wear long hair and denim skirts) and might possibly be about my girls' age. Fifi's been wanting to meet them for some time now.
This afternoon they just happened to be out front planting and playing so I drove up, parked alongside their curb and began to introduce myself and the girls as a prominent swish of floral skirts exited from every door of my car. They were so excited to finally meet these mysterious people that might just be the answer to prayer: another homeschool family of girls in the neighborhood! Surely we'll all be fast friends, play together, share field trips together, exchange babysitting chores, support one another, etc., etc.
As it is, they are not homeschooled. Maybe that's why it was the toughest interview of my life. I couldn't drag two words strung together out of any of them. "How old are you?...Oh, well my Dumpling here will be 7 next week, so y'all are about the same age...*cricket sounds*...Well, what's your name?"
And so it went, painstakingly with each of her two girls. I tried to engage her about their school, but she mentioned her church instead. I asked what church they attended, but she wouldn't name it-- she only said it was non-denominational, and that they were just, "basic believers," meeting together every night. At this point, I'm thrilled as any true, Spirit-indwelt, born-again believer ought to be at the realization that before her stands a true Sister in the Lord!
But, behind her demure smile, the woman was sizing me up. Quite literally. I caught her looking at me like I haven't been looked at since high school. I don't know what she was looking for, or what she thought she found, but her next words took us all by surprise,
"Well, we don't mingle much. We mostly keep to ourselves. We have our own friends and cousins at church and so..."
And what could I say? I smiled through my humiliation and singly said, "Oh. Well...o.k....into the car, girls. Hurry along now."
Maybe my hair wasn't long enough? After all, hers was long enough to sit on, and mine is shorn to above my shoulders. Or maybe it was the length of my skirt that hits me only just below the knee; hers was to her ankles. Perhaps it was my burgundy-red shirt; she wore a denim jumper over a beige t-shirt. I don't know. I don't care.
I don't care for myself, that is. Though, I wonder how my girls will register and remember this moment? I wonder how hers will? With that attitude, I pray fervently that they will continue to keep to themselves because the lost and unbelieving of San Antonio do not need to meet Jesus through an example like hers.
14 comments:
I foresee some meaningful conversations between you and your girls. How sad, that your neighbor is so closed off as to refuse an obvious gesture of friendship. And it's even sadder for her girls.
By the way - I applaud you - I can't remember the last time I wore a skirt! Skirts equal shaving legs and about that, I'm a little closed off. :-)
Did she say that they met with the church every night? That seems... odd.
Maybe they're in a cult?
Sorry for your girls! I know Nick has longed for a homeschooled boy in our neighborhood for a long time.
I had the same thought as Lady Laura. Sounds a bit strange that they don't mingle with (airquotes) outsiders.
Did she actually mention she was a Christian, though? She may go to church, but they may not believe as you do (which is what struck me as you described her sizing you up). And it will give you a chance to discuss with the girls about people's belief systems and simple things, like conversations and social mores. We had a neighbor whose children could not interact with adults -- at first I thought we were seeing hearing problems or speech disability or even some retardation, for the child never conversed with us, responded to questions, or looked us in the eyes. Years later I learned the younger child was in a sexually abusive situation. I often wish that I had acted on my gut instinct to contact the authorities. But I have used the experience to teach my children about adult-to-child conversations and reporting things to me that they find strange or unsettling.
GB, This sounds like a group of "Believers" that live in our area. It is quit sad, they are all like this. THey don't talk to others, there children are not allowed to speak to others, they do meet all th time. It is some sort of cult. Not like satan worship, but a cult as in one leader, lots of rules, no outsiders, if you leave you are shunned. Very interesting reading. Here is a website that could possibly be what they are a part of. (this is an asumtion based on just what you wrote explaining them--know that we live like 3 houses from some of these people, and they are quit a few in our area, also I have friends who have come out of this "church")
www.churchofgod.net
Let me say this also, I do pray for these people. It breaks my heart that they live such a lie. Remember also, that I came from a legalistic group, not quit this bad, but basically the same. We were just not so forward about it I guess.
I would love to dialogue with you outside of blogger. I have so many questions for you, but the comment section is not the place because they can be lengthly.
One more thing. What type of church do you attend. Is it presbeteryian? We are looking at leaving the Reformed Baptist church and starting to attend, and hopefully join a presbeteryian (sp) church. It is a PCA church. I'd love to pick your brain.
The reason for our possilbe change is, the family covenant. We believe strongly in this.
Okay, long enough comment. Sorry.
here is my personal email, if you'd be interested in dialoguing with me.
galatians5-1@hotmail.com
In Christ.
Melissa
Very odd. Who knows what the story is there, but thats sad for her children.
It says alot about you that you made the effort to be friendly, ultimately that's the best example for your girls.
You've been awarded the Thinking Blogger Award! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Titus2woman/316674/ (((((HUGS))))) andi
Very sad.
You never know. Maybe you are there to just be an example of kindness for her. She will remember you. Her girls will, too. Sometimes we have more influence than we think.
This is certainly a lesson for me to check my own attitude and how I treat people. I hate that "sizing me up" feeling. I wonder how often I do it to others and don't even mean to.
That kind of reminds me of a comment made to me by a fellow conservative homeschooling mom. She was speaking to me about feeling like she didn't fit in because she chooses to be VERY conservative. But just a few sentences later she mentioned that there were some other moms that she liked and got along with but she couldn't spend time with them because she felt that their children might be a bad influence on her children.
Now here I'll try cut my opinion on this as short as I can.... I keep my kids out of PS because I don't want someone else to have more time to influence my kids than I do. BUT I don't lock them away from the world as a whole. I have faith that being with me all day long, 7 days a week, 365 days a year has taught them our beliefs strongly enough that they can hold their own. And quite frankly if your don't want to be left out because your different than don't leave others out... The self imposed seclusion from anyone not exactly like you has been a big issue with me here lately (See my post on Fitting In).
I understand the idea of not being of "the world", but if we don't talk to "the world" at all...how are we to reach them?
Hi April, and welcome!
I'm not sure I understand to whom you're addressing your remark when you say, "...has been a big issue with me here lately." Are you remarking about the neighbor who snubbed me or have you perceived some extra-biblical separation on this (my) blog?
Wow. It sounds "cult-ish." That is very sad. I pray that the brief contact you had with them will touch their hearts somehow and they will remember that you are there if they ever need anything.
Wow - I missed this.
It's quite sad in many ways, but she will be watching you still, and I pray that you will be a beautiful example of being "in the world but not of it" without the snubbing thrown in. And your girls will, too.
Just let your light shine and He will be lifted up, even in circumstances like these. Who knows what goes on behind the scene as your little seed of kindness grows.
I live in San Antonio and love our city too. Blessings to you and your kind heart.
Brenda
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