The Audition That Wasn't

When our family looks back at this season of our life, figuring prominently will be Fifi's acceptance into a local homeschool orchestra. After 6 years in private lessons, she finally has something besides the next lesson to practice toward, and it has made such a difference!

After her first rehearsal, it was not uncommon to hear her practicing for 2 or even 3 hours most days. I was awed by the untapped potential, skill and progress that her efforts yielded. I was praising God for her new sense of determination.

After her second rehearsal, we decided we had better amp up the search for a new teacher for Fifi! She'd been without for almost 2 months and was running into notes for which she was not familiar with the proper positioning. I was tempted to teach her myself, but considering she left me off back at Go Tell Aunt Rhody from Suzuki Book 1, I thought it best that I stay humble and leave this to the professionals.

I was thoroughly enjoying my exercise in living vicariously through her as she worked hard and succeeded in this very new experience. How wonderful!

After the third rehearsal, I convinced Fifi to let me help her work out some of the new music. Rhythms, notes, intonation, dynamics. We now had a date for chair auditions in the section, and thought, "Hey, she could really hold her own and do well here," and so she and I worked so very hard and accomplished so very much.

We really did.

We even left off history for the week, to spend that time doing what needed to get done. I promised Fifi that if she worked hard and went to that audition prepared, that it would curb her anxiety and I believed that the Lord would honor her efforts with a sense of accomplishment, regardless of the actual outcome.

I was just so excited by how hard she was working. And she was just so excited that the working hard was really working. Chair auditions were a short 4 days away, but Fifi was well on her way to having every single measure ready to roll. Bring it on!

And then I got sick.

And then she got sick.

And we knew we were going to miss a day or two of rehearsal time. And I began praying the Lord would multiply her time and effort in whatever time she would find left.

But the headache would not let go. It dug its claws in hard to the back of my sweet girl's head. And chills played hide-and-seek with us both, appearing only once we'd forgotten to look for them, and then they would chase us back to bed.

One day gone.

Two days gone.

Three.

And we simply couldn't make the rehearsal or the auditions.

There will not be any make-ups; Fifi will be seated at the back of her section this time. To be seated in last chair after you did your best is something to find peace about, but to be seated last chair because you don't get to do your best is a little harder to appreciate.

Fifi, though, says she's only slightly disappointed and is quick to add, "it's really o.k."

But she's a purposeful non-complainer, I think -- which is to say she actually cares a little more than slightly, but knows it's in God's timing and in His control, and she is choosing to react to that. She won't be driven by her emotions on this one. Just like Mommy taught her.

Too bad Mommy sometimes has trouble practicing what she preaches.

But God is faithful. I know He will comfort me in this disappointment. He will make me to rejoice for Fifi's hard work and even for her missed opportunity. The tank is still filling, but I've proved Him over and over in other difficult moments and am glad that I'll soon have another for which to sing of His goodness and love.

Sing. Sing?!

Ah! In all this, I nearly forgot I've got my own gig for which to prepare. This weekend I'm supposed to be singing the 3rd of 4 annual concerts with my local early music choir. I may have to let that one go too.