...is just one of the titles I considered for this post.
Another might have been I Am Not An Animal!
This is in defense of my Husband -- a man desiring to be controlled by the Spirit and not by the instinctual flesh -- after reading this post by Carol, one of my favorite, new, regular reads. Let me pause here to say that I enjoy her blog. She's witty. She's informative. She's got cute comics. Her post is a well-written, humorous (if not a little explicit for my public sensibilities) post about how to take good care of your man...if you catch her drift.
But, her ideas today haunted me. They were unsettling. Provocative. Disturbing. But in the end, not necessarily convicting. I didn't know what I thought about any of it until I asked Husband to read it over when He came home. Am I delusional? I wondered. Husband and I have been happily married for nearly 19 years, and I didn't recognize either one of us in most anything Carol wrote.
As I discussed it with Husband and was reassured by him, I cried a little. I cried as I realized that there are still women -- much less Christian women -- who would allow themselves, and even advocate others to objectify themselves in the private, privileged and delightful setting of marital relations. Perhaps that's not what Carol meant, but it wasn't difficult to make the leap.
This wasn't my first experience with Christians who enjoy frank and open dialog about this subject, but I always hold out hope that it will be my last.
Carol had a lot of other things to say about marriage too. Good things. She talked about respect. Space. Time. And I don't doubt for a minute that she and many others are living an experience that deems those exhortations relevant. And it is certainly most commendable that she and others are growing in grace and Godliness as wives through those circumstances. Hopefully, and by His grace, we're all growing in grace and Godliness in one way or another.
But Carol's truth about marriage isn't the only truth. Not everyone is rowing in that boat. Maybe that's why we are to obey our own husband. Talk about inspired scripture!
Not every husband wants to watch football. Not every one wants to hang out with the guys. Mine doesn't even want me to feed him all the time, because cooking is one of his great joys! He doesn't have to ask me for space. Or time. Or respect.
We just are. We are just One. He and I. Me and him. And Christ. There is an ultimate dimension of beauty in our marriage and household now since we began to follow Jesus.
We are best friends. We are lovers. We are parents together to our favorite people. Best of all, we are sojourners together on this remarkable path called Christianity.
Practically speaking, we share common goals. We are in this thing together. I don't remember that we've ever argued about the work. Or money. We both, and each, just do it. Whatever it is in front of us, we just do the work. Ours is not, nor has ever been, a contentious match-up.
How can this be?
Trust. 19 years of trust.
Given...broken...earned...and then chosen.
It's believing the best. It's love.
It's 1Corinthians 13.
6 comments:
Now, I'm going hmmmm. I read her article, thought it was well-written and something that really needed to be said. (had some "amen" moments as I read it). Then I read your response, and find myself nodding as well. Too much in my head for a comment line--so I think tomorrow I'll respond with some of the stuff I've been thinking. Need some more time to pray before I hit post. But thank you, for your honesty. That's why I love coming here.
I read that article, too, and I was thrilled to follow it up with this.
I, too, was saying "hmmm" after I read it, and spent the day in sort of a stupor, thinking, praying, questioning.
I think it so fitting that you said "maybe that's why we are to obey our own husbands". My husband loves to help with dishes, always looks out for when I need a break, and the commonality of our roles just makes us one. It just does.
Thank you so much. I feel I can breathe again! :)
Aaack!! The top comment was ME! I was doing some template work for someone else (someone I don't even know, for that matter!) and didn't realize I was signed in to their account... until I got an email from that girl, asking if I had left a comment here, because she sure didn't! Yet again, I'm not all with it.
SIGH. Laugh. Sigh.
Anyway... here's what I said:
This is an awesome "addendum" to that post. While I enjoyed reading it and took away some good tidbits, I definitely knew there were a number of things that didn't fit in my marriage. My Beloved sounds more like yours than Carol's... and that's okay. Her post, to me, reminded me to serve my Beloved, but I know that he also enjoys serving me, helping out, enjoys cooking, doesn't watch football, and wouldn't ever think of "time with the guys."
We're a team, we're one, as you said. We can all get into trouble when we take what someone says works for THEIR marriage, and think that it must certainly work for OURS. That "own husbands" thing is definitely inspired (imagine that?!).
Thanks for the great thoughts. I did enjoy Carol's post, but this sums up exactly what I thought after reading it.
I haven't read Carol, don't know who she is, but I love what you said - and it works for us as well after 34 years and counting! We have survived a lot and stuck through it all together.
Hunh. Hmmm. Yeah.
Well, okay.
(I'm rather tongue tied.) :)
Well, okay....I'm glad I've got the type of guy I have, and I'm so thankful for the relationship that we have!
And I wish all the rest the best!
(Is that diplomatic?) :)
Hi. Thought I'd come back and say something else, since my last comment wasn't very clear. :) Sometimes in trying to be diplomatic I leave too much to the imagination. :)
I found that particular post offensive. Really offensive.
First, what woman needs to be told to clean up for her man? That is rather belittling!
Second, bleh. Too much info. Too much emphasis on the wrong things. It's okay to encourage our friends to love their husbands well in all ways...but there is a point in which we can go too far...and that was too far in my estimation.
Third...I do not agree that men should not help with their children. Are they not his children as well? Should children be deprived of their father's involvement...because their care is all women's work? What kind of message does that send to sons? WOW!
Thanks for highlighting this post. I've thought about it a lot over the last few days. I kind of felt ill when I read it, but it did make me think!
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