Carrying The Cross That Is The Teen Years

For about a decade now, Husband and I have been offended, hurt and angered by Christians who seem to delight in the "misery loves company" idea of parenting teens. So many who are in the midst of it say things like, "Oh ho ho...you just wait!" They seem to be wishing the worst on the rest of us who aren't there yet. In fact, some seem to be chomping at the bit -- watching, waiting -- maybe even secretly murmuring imprecatory prayers for failure to come our way.

What's edifying about that?

Today, I realized that I am "there." Fifi is nearing the 11 1/2-year mark and it is becoming increasingly evident that the Lord has deemed her ready to step onto this spiritual battlefield that is riddled with hormones, emotions, volitility, pimples and submission and confidence issues.

She's not ready. I'm not ready! How, really, does one get ready to embark on this very difficult and often unpleasant decade. Ugh.

She went to bed tonight out of sorts, and truthfully -- I thought all was lost. I was losing hope. I was struggling to hang on to calling and commitment. I didn't know how to read her mind or change her mind and neither of us actually knew what was on her mind. Oh, I remember being a preteen and living in that unexplainable place of sadness or anger; and as a mother now, I know it might very well get worse before it gets better. I cannot do this! She cannot do this!

But we both can do this through Christ who strengthens us.

I was humbled. In case I had understated the matter, I was reminded of how very finite my nature. And in case I had forgotten, I remembered that I am not in control. Fifi is a whole person apart from me, and becoming moreso every day.

"But haven't we always hoped against the nay-sayers that it doesn't have to be this way? That the teen years don't have to be marked by rebellion and discord?" I begged Husband's reassurance.

And then...

I went in to check on my sleeping babies and caught Fifi still awake. The conversation started right about where it left off: tense, strange, confused, foreign -- heartbreaking. She didn't know why she was sad; I didn't know how to help her. She was confused about being angry; I was surprised to hear that she had been nurturing roots of bitterness.

But then, I yielded my mouth and my motives to the Lord and heard myself explaining to her, her need to dress in the full armour of God -- to hold up her shield of faith against this fiery dart of the devil. I spoke words of validation to her as I reassured her that it is very natural to be selfish and self-centered, especially in these years. And then I spoke words of exhortation to her when I explained that the best way to combat the natural, is with the the supernatural -- the mind of Christ. She and I should each seek to resist the devil so that he will flee from us! We will draw nearer to God, commune with Him on our bed when we rise, ask His help as we seek to yield ourselves completely to Him so that He may display all the fruits of His Spirit through us. I long to be an empty vessel of His love and righteousness.

Fifi longs to be freed from her anxiety and fear.

That is where our conversation diverted to and ended on a happy note. I prayed. She prayed. And then somewhere between my perception and her articulation, we figured out that she is worried. And she has been worried. But God has not given us a Spirit of fear.

I tell her to trust the Lord. I ask her to think on things that are true and of good report. And if all else fails -- I tell her to seek to serve others -- to do as Christ did. He didn't kneel in that garden for days, praying and concentrating on His cup. He got up, went to His arrest, and got on with the business of serving humanity by taking the wages of our sin upon Himself.

So I will pray for this girl. I will honor her trial and not abandon her. I will not make light of what looms so large in her spirit. And I will endure this cross -- the teen years -- for the joy that it will bring.