No Form...That We Should Desire Him

I don't remember much about the time that my dad's father came out to Arizona from his home in Texas during my pre-teen years. I do remember being coached anytime we faced seeing, "the relatives." There were certain words that we must refrain from saying and certain clothes we must wear so as to not be judged. We should pretend that we didn't really watch the big grey god that all the seating in the living room was arranged to face. Most of all, we shouldn't get caught up in talk of religion or of the Lord -- there would be no letting go if we did. In actuality, these restrictions were self-imposed, but that's beside the point.

So, when Grandpa offered to pay me $20 to commit the third chapter of John to memory, I was torn between my conscience and my flesh. My conscience said, "That would be a little bit like stealing, right? You know what this poor old man's motivation is and you would just be using him. Besides, somehow it would be disloyal to your dad."

My flesh said, "20 dollars?! That is so much money! You've never gotten $20 in one shot before -- ever! Do it! Do it! Do it!" So, I discreetly took the offer to my dad. Thinking back, I don't know why I did that because I might have guessed that it would cause tension between he and Grandpa. But it didn't. Dad said, "If you want to do it, and he wants to pay you for it, go ahead."

So I did. Before Grandpa left later that week, I memorized John 3 but had no idea whatsoever, what it meant -- except that I was going to get $20.00, and with it, some extra sodas and candy during Saturday skate at the local rink. I didn't think about it again. Fast forward 18 years to 1998...

This is the year that Fifi(11yrs) turned 3 and my first full year walking in Truth. I'm not sure how it happened, but our first passage for her was...you guessed it...John 3. She memorized the first 8 verses, and at some point it triggered the memory that I had heard this before. Imagine that! For 18 years the words of this chapter lay dormant in my being, displaying absolutely no symptom of faith; but they were alive nonetheless and clearly potent enough to accomplish their purpose in me.

Today, my girls and I are committing Isaiah 53 to memory. It is the beautiful passage of Messianic prophecy that reads like poetry. In it, we are told something about Jesus that is rare -- we get a little glimpse into his appearance and personality. We are told that His attractiveness is not dependent on his looks or personality. Conjecture allows me to assume that He was likely very plain looking: not particularly handsome, perhaps even on the short side (because the Scripture went to great lengths to admire height in at least one other notable figure). And I doubt that He was interested in being the funniest person in the room or even the most popular. What does that leave? His Spirit. His holiness. His love. His genuine concern for and availability to everyone.

With that in mind, I am moved to do some self-examination; to re-evaluate some of my attitudes, motivations, desires and efforts. I've been taking a long look at what I project of myself, and to whom I am attracted. Take the blogosphere for example; am I reading posts that will spur me on to do good things for the Kingdom? Am I looking to be spiritually sharpened by true Titus 2 women, or am I seeking self and giving in to the lust of the flesh that desires to be entertained (or relieved of my own guilt) by the funny anecdotes of others at the veiled expense of the nobel calling of motherhood? Even worse, am I looking for the validation of others -- total strangers, mind you -- who might read my blog and may or may not comment? Am I becoming increasingly interested in winning over the ones who -- like the popular girls in school -- don't even know that I exist (except to maybe wish me away) while ignoring the blessing of those who have shown an interest in what I have to say, and say good things that exhort me in return? (See my cleaned-up link list in the sidebar.) The answers: some, no, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes!

Time for a change. And since I sometimes need a little push from God, I recently discovered...

continued on the next post