Stopping

"MOMMY! I WROTE A 'Y'!"

That was the gleeful plea of Three for me to come away from the refrigerator that I was preparing for a much-needed grocery trip. I have enough trouble menu planning -- the last thing I need is a distraction once I've found my groove. But I went. And I'm glad I went. I'm glad that the Lord let me hear and heed the Holy Spirit inside me say, "Go. It's not big to you, but it's huge to her. You've forgotten that. Go. Now."

Three is in the library working on a little electronic educational toy that Grandma sent to a sibling years ago. She's enjoying it. She is succeeding with it. She's learning. It's written all over her face -- she's validated because I'm peering over her shoulder to share in her accomplishment. She's got one of those big expressive grins that is not so much joy as it is wonder. Her eyes are big. Her eyebrows are arched. She can hardly believe what's she's done. Just moments earlier she questioned every letter, "Mommy? Is that a 'W'?"

"Yes. That's pretty good. Keep practicing."

"It doesn't look like a 'W' to me," she would add, very matter-of-factly and not the least bit discouraged.

I'm sad to admit that I don't know Three like I knew One -- or even Two at the same age. The big white elephant in the room is that the more children I have, the less I know them individually. It's true. That isn't to say that I don't know Three well enough, and certainly better than some bother to know their children, but still --I don't have my heart and mind wrapped around her the way I know I did with One who had me to herself for very nearly 5 years.

But, that is precisely where I lean on God's sovereignty the most; He gave me these children in the order and timing that He did, and He knows that I do my best. Sometimes my best leaves a lot to be desired, but I trust that that truth, and all their unchangeables are part of His greater plan for them. With each new child, I realize that the parented side of their experience, while important for sure, is not the biggest part of who they are or whom they will become.

And I want more.

They are a blessing. A challenge. Maddening at times. Loud -- even shrill. Delightful. Messy. Miraculous. Alive. Energy drains. Made in His image and breathtaking.