I have decided to remember my father's response to this question nearly 18 years ago as his patriachal blessing to me. He "gave me away" to Husband to wife. At the time, I really had no idea of the beautiful and principled journey we were taking as we endeavored to wed -- my family was worldly.
In 1987, I was 19 years old, living alone and attending a broadcasting trade school at night. Husband was one of the teachers there. He was breaking the rules when he had a colleague pass his phone number on to me, but we were engaged a short three months after our first date, and married five months after the proposal. I sometimes half-joke that I thought I'd better keep Husband because he was the first 'boyfriend' that my parents bothered to meet over a meal! Neither he nor I asked permission of my parents to marry -- not because we were rebelling, but because it was the '80s and the thought never crossed our minds.
To be clear, Husband and I were not followers of Jesus during the first many years of our marriage; we were very much servants of manna. We wanted fame and fortune, prestige and fleshly pleasure. We were not criminals as society defines -- we were what the world calls "good people," but our hearts were black, charred, near to ashes, I'm sure. We pursued fame and prestige through our careers in radio; we thought it was pretty "cool" that we met backstage, were photographed, or occasionally enjoyed dinner with many famous musicians. What strikes us now is that for as exciting as it was to meet so-and-so, someday we're going to meet Jesus!
What is truly awesome is the many ways that I can look back now and see that the Lord had His hand on us because He knew we were to be His. Big things, and little things, like:
(1) When we recited our vows, we removed any and all mention of God; this was not a problem for the female Unitarian "minister" that was conducting our ceremony. We were ignorant of our rebellion -- we were simply irreligious. Now I can look back and thank Him for protecting us from using His name unworthily on that day.
(2) The magnificent fight we had at the end of our second date. It went on for hours! We had nothing invested in one another by this time -- it was insane that we were spending any energy trying to work it out. Husband even commented that he didn't understand why, but that he felt compelled to make it right. The Lord knew that He had ordained us to be together and bring forth our children.
(3) The way God brought us both to an understanding of our need for Him within one year of eachother. Thereby, despite our 10-year age difference and all the cultural milestones that we have never shared, we are growing up together in the Lord! We are truly walking this journey of faith, hope, love and joy in our salvation, hand-in-hand.
Husband is not only 10 years older than I, he is also infinitely kinder and wiser. I have benefited greatly from the truths of his character -- in fact, one could say that he raised me. I was very young when we married; I had celebrated my 20th birthday just 2 weeks before my march down the aisle.
I love Husband. The Lord has used him to bless my life in ways I dared not imagine as a teen-aged, lonely, single, government clerk who spent her Saturday mornings walking a small basket of laundry to the apartment complex's facilities with nothing much more to look forward to that day. I can remember thinking once that this was about as good as it was going to get, and resigning myself to believe that that would be o.k.
But now, I'm provided for because of his confidence. I see the beauty in art because he showed me things I had never before laid my eyes upon. I'm regularly moved to tears by music to which I had never really listened. Food tastes better because of his passion for cooking. I'm wiser because he has shown me how to hold my tongue. I'm kinder because he has been kind to me. I'm more considerate because one evening early in our marriage, as we relaxed in front of the television, he rose from the couch and said to me, "I'm going to get a drink of water, do you want anything?"
This is a man who not only has my obedience as God's provision of protection for me, but one who has earned my respect so that I willingly, confidently and completely trust Him with my very life. Husband is just a man, this is true. But as people go, he reflects Christ's love better than most and it has everything to do with his sincerity and humility. I hope my girls marry men just like him.
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