Honor Thy Father and Mother

The bible says to honor thy father and mother, but it doesn't specifically say how to accomplish that. I wonder? Is honor strictly subjective? Have I been so self-centered all these years as to super-impose my idea of honor onto my parents? Am I so completely unable to recognize that other people's desires do not always -- if ever -- line up with mine?

Case in point: in November of 2004, Husband and I took the girls to California to visit Disneyland for the first time. His mother's home was near enough to spend a few days, and my parents' was about 8 hours drive-time away. We had tried very hard to plan whether we would fly out to the coast, rent a car and back-track, or drive to the half-way mark and fly to the coast from there -- all for the sake of honoring my parents with a visit by their children and granddaughters.

However, it became clear during my third or forth conversation with Mom, that this was a logistical nightmare for her. She was stressing over questions like, "Which days?" and "How would you like everyone's sleeping arrangements?" The latter was obviously causing her great anxiety, and I was frustrated by my inability to alleviate her stress. I wanted to tell her that she needn't worry; we're not that picky. In fact, we're rather easy when its free! Don't worry.

And then I felt compelled to quietly slip into my office (i.e. the laundry room) and close the door so the girls would not hear. I finally asked what I'd only assumed to that point, "Mom? Do you want us to visit?"

Her response was quick, sure and telling, "Well...sure! I mean...it's not like you're going to stay a week or anything."

Ding! Ding! Ding! I didn't say anything, but suddenly realized that the threat of our visit was not an honor to her at all.

I don't think I was mad in that moment -- just dumbfounded. I don't get it. It's not part of my reality, but at the same time, it's always been true. They love their grandchildren, I'm sure, but perhaps the thought of being housed with 3 of them is a bit daunting.

Now I'm the parent, and while One was still very young, I began praying that the Lord would take me by the shoulders and show me which way to go -- because people are different. I'm going to do my best for her, but will she believe it was my best when I'm all done?

Will she and I have such a different idea of what it is to honor me? Will she find a way to obey the Lord in this command more easily than have I? Will we understand one another? And will she try to explain it to her children?

I hope so.